Once upon a time...

This made me cry when I woke up this morning

2008-12-18T17:22:32Z

Lots needs to be posted here: Thanksgiving, birthday, the end of the semeseter, visit to April's. Lots of things. Sometime soon maybe. In the meantime:

I'm leaving soon, and Matthew and I are still processing it. Last night he told the entire story of our relationship like it was a bedtime story. I asked if this was the end of the story. He said that he hoped not, that he wanted the story to keep going on and on. Yeah.

**EDIT**
Ok, so apparently this was interpreted as being bad. This was not bad. Very emotional, yes. But a good, deep emotion.

Numbers.

2008-12-04T13:08:24Z

I turn 25 in less than a week. I have earned 155 credit hours and have a 3.95 GPA. I have spent the last 13 hours sitting in front of a computer unsucessfully struggling to write a 5 page essay for a Freshmen English class. It is not finished. I would not graduate this semester even if I had finished. I have failed.

Reason for finishing these papers and getting through the next seven days

2008-12-03T23:52:34Z

As soon as I'm done, I can leave for Nashville to apartment and job hunt (with a slight detour to Chattanooga). I tentatively have a roommate. I have friends. I have others who will be writing their thesis and studying for the GRE while I'm doing the same. I can be calm and just enjoy being a healthy young adult for the first time in my life.

None of this will happen without completing the next seven days, so go write your paper!

It's just CA papers and a lab report

2008-11-22T20:38:45Z

In 48 hours I will be on my way to Texas. I can make it 48 hours.

To those I love

2008-11-13T17:15:31Z

Dear wonderful friends,

I love you all so much and am so very sorry for the last 10 days (the last 10 years for one of you). You are my heart and my survival. I'm sorry I don't handle things well and that I'm always in a crisis of some sort. Thank you for loving me through it anyway. I'm going to be ok and will hopefully be the friend I should be. Love you all.

~Me

What the hell is wrong with me?

2008-11-12T15:14:22Z

Why am I such a screw-up and why am I having so much trouble functioning?

Making it till Monday

2008-11-12T02:18:14Z

April is coming tomorrow. There aren't words for how happy that makes me. Love you, friend.

Surreal...

2008-11-01T19:26:03Z

Today I ran a 10k. My time was 1.05.56 (a 10.38 min pace) - not great, but certainly not last either. I feel good (legs are a little sore, but that's expected); I'm not exhausted; I'm even getting some work on a paper done. This past January, the 30 min walk for my Concepts class wiped me out completely. That's not even a year ago. Now today, I ran 6.2 miles. I didn't stop to walk. I didn't stop for water. I ran the entire way. I'm not even really sure how to feel. I want to jump up and down and scream and giggle and burst into tears all at the same time. I did it. I ran.

Gazing at the end...

2008-10-29T20:47:40Z

Today I picked up the last antibiotic prescription in my Lyme disease protocol. 1 bottle of Doxycycline, the standard treatment for people when they first show symptoms, will be my final bottle, the last one of hundreds over the last 9 years. Today I also picked up my race packet for the 10k I am running on Saturday. 1 bottle of medicine, the last bottle, the end of a very long marathon, is sitting next to a number and chip, my first race, an exciting beginning that affirms my return to health. Is this day really here?

desirerofhesed @ 2008-10-24T11:46:00

2008-10-24T16:51:46Z

I had a fairly long conversation yesterday about why it was important to go somewhere far away for grad school. This person was adamant that, being from the South, I should go north. I am reminded today why I don't want to move north. It is cold and wet, and making myself get up and go to class and to work when it is cold and wet is harder than pulling teeth. I *hate* being cold and wet.

It's not the Samford plague...

2008-10-13T21:58:12Z

I have the flu and a 103 fever. Boo. No fun. I just hope the guys don't catch it...

***EDIT***

Apparently Tamiflu causes nausea and vomiting, so now I'm not keeping food down on top of feeling yucky...

Good grief

2008-10-13T01:21:12Z

I caught the plague going around Samford. Boo. Too much to do to be sick...

Happy post needed soon: Matthew, symphony, brothers, UGA, beer. Not now. Now time for soup and sleep.)

Lesson of the day

2008-10-10T13:59:59Z

Do not take clindamycin with a swallow of water and then lie down.

A 2nd century C.E. description of abortion...

2008-10-09T00:32:13Z

So I'm reading through Tertullian's Treatise on the Soul as I'm working on my thesis and stumbled upon this:

"And thus by and by infants are still-born; but how so, unless they had life? For how could any die, who had not previously lived? But sometimes by a cruel necessity, while yet in the womb, an infant is put to death, when lying awry in the orifice of the womb he impedes parturition, and kills his mother, if he is not to die himself. Accordingly, among surgeons' tools there is a certain instrument, which is formed with a nicely-adjusted flexible frame for opening the uterus first of all, and keeping it open; it is further furnished with an annular blade, by means of which the limbs within the womb are dissected with anxious but unfaltering care; its last appendage being a blunted or covered hook, wherewith the entire fœtus is extracted by a violent delivery. There is also (another instrument in the shape of) a copper needle or spike, by which the actual death is managed in this furtive robbery of life: they give it, from its infanticide function, the name of ἐμβρυοσφάκτης, the slayer of the infant, which was of course alive. Such apparatus was possessed both by Hippocrates, and Asclepiades, and Erasistratus, and Herophilus, that dissector of even adults, and the milder Soranus himself, who all knew well enough that a living being had been conceived, and pitied this most luckless infant state, which had first to be put to death, to escape being tortured alive."

Wow. I want to come back and actually ponder on this later.

I suck at staying focused

2008-10-08T23:55:22Z

I have a thesis draft due at 11:00 am tomorrow. I have 0 pages written and need to do some word search analysis before I start writing. I should be in complete panic-induced hyper-focus mode. Instead, I have read all my friends' blogs, checked all my email, checked facebook, and am now writing an lj update. This is not a good sign...

Clindamycin/Quinine sucks.

2008-10-06T16:01:02Z

As I get healthier, I get less tolerant of the side effects of the medications. This new combo is miserable.

Change of plans

2008-10-03T11:54:44Z

Due to possible fatigue side effects (and the fact that I just don't want my clothing stained orange), I'm skipping the rifampin and going on to the Clindamycin/Quinine combo. Yay quinine. Maybe it won't make me too sick?

I watched the VP debate instead of studying for my Genetics quiz, so now I must cram frantically.

New antibiotic starts tomorrow

2008-10-02T15:13:13Z

"Rifampin may cause side effects. Your urine, stools, saliva, sputum, sweat, and tears may turn red-orange; this effect is harmless."

Red-orange sweat and tears? Not sure I'm excited about this one...

Also, in other news (With bullet points for faster dissemination!):

~I ran 5 miles at a 10 min pace last night. It was quite exciting. Mercedes, here I come.
~My thesis first draft is due in one week. I am not ready. I am not even close to ready. Panic is ensuing.
~I have a genetics test tomorrow that I don't want to study for.
~I miss all of my former roomies a lot.
~Matthew is being super wonderful. Like more wonderful than ever. He's working too hard (because he's superman or something), but still makes time for me and makes me swoon. He waltzed with me in the living room. I love it when he does that.
~UGA lost on Saturday, and it was not a happy thing.
~I am in the midst of an existential decision that I don't have time to properly research and solve.
~The Nashville crew is coming to visit next week. The thesis will be turned in and alcohol will flow.
~I have lots of ranting on the current economic situation, but that will take too long to write at the moment.
~The fam is safely at my grandparents' and Daddy is still undergoing tests to determine how best to focus his therapy.
~Life is delightfully stressful, balanced, busy, and happy

Lissa doesn't like homework

2008-09-24T03:03:11Z

Genetics homework takes too long to do.

And one-hour PE classes should not require 2-page papers on a regular basis

They're off!

2008-09-17T13:37:16Z

Mama and Daddy left this morning; it's a funny sight. The big outside dog is in a crate on the back seat; the hound is on the floor between the bucket seat and the side door; the snake, in his 55 gal terrarium, is stretched the length of the van; and the poodle and cat are taking turns on everyone's laps. Add the 2 months worth of luggage in the back and it's quite humorous. I'm kinda glad I'm at school and not attending this excursion.

Real update sometime soon (Maybe)

This is in addition to him being extra sweet this week...

2008-08-29T17:07:42Z

1) He wore a bowtie yesterday. I like bowties. :)
2) He spent his lunch break helping me with a couple things.
3) He danced to Frank Sinatra with me. *swoon*

Lovely, lovely life

2008-08-28T15:33:53Z

I love my new grown-up living room. It's calming somehow. I can't wait to get home to my quiet apartment in the evening. The sounds of NPR or the local jazz station waft through the air while I fix and enjoy dinner before ending the night curled in my chair with a book and a cup of tea. It's just lovely.

Last night was the quintessence of my return to Birmingham so far: I ran (in the rain!) with the Birmingham track club, came home, showered, cooked a delightfully 'clean' meal of wild rice and sugar snap peas, and then just sat on the couch with a mug of green tea while the rain pattered outside. The night was a vivid example of just how grown-up my life is becoming and how healthy I've become and how comfortable and happy I am with where everything is going. In a recent conversation, someone commented that we are "toddler grownups" at this point in life. Highly comical, but accurate - we are a strange dichotomy of fits of selfish indulgence interspersed with a constantly increasing awareness of the world around us, the responsibilities associated therein, and a desire to become more independent and fulfill those responsibilities.

I question my sanity

2008-08-04T01:34:23Z

Tomorrow morning I am theoretically going for a 3.75 mile walk/run with 3 boys under the age of 13. For the moment, we are going to go watch a movie and possible do push-ups.

**EDIT**

Well, the boys stayed up way late last night, so no running partners this morning. Sad. Maybe we'll do something later today.

**END EDIT**

Update!

2008-08-02T17:44:18Z

1) Handy week! Handy week was last week. Oh so much fun! I went to more bands this year than I ever have before. Mmm. There's just something about good music that touches deep down in the soul. On Wednesday, Mama, Daddy, Austin, and I went to see Gabe Rikard, an old family friend who plays acoustic guitar (His band has an interesting rock sound and gives a very good live show. They'll be in Athens later this month, if any of you are around.). There's something very cool about enjoying an after-dinner coffee drink with my mother while listening to a long-haired Ph.D. candidate with a mellifluous voice (I know the word usually describes someone's writing style, but it applies to Gabe's singing and songs). We were going to go out to see the Midnighters afterwards , but it rained. The next night we saw the Harvey Thompson Trio. Mmm-mmm-mmm. Just good jazz. Phenomenal jazz. I went to see them twice this year. I saw several different bands with Wesley that weekend (including one with a washtub bass. Very interesting). All-in-all it was just a great week.

2)Lyme doctor!! This week we all piled in the van and headed to Missouri to see Dr. Charles Crist. If you have a moment, go check out his site and educate yourself. He was very thorough and has a very specific treatment regime. I have about an inch and a half worth of papers to read (most typed front and back in very tiny type) and a list of prescriptions to fill in a specific order. I'm excited. He claims to have a 99% recovery rate for patients with a positive western blot test (I have a double positive!!). Hopefully I'll be off everything by Christmas. Won't that an awesome present! It was a fantastic trip, filled with happiness and hope (for lots of reasons).

3) Daddy: After a week of flat days, he seems to be coming back. I wish I knew how to explain. For the last week, he just hasn't been here. But for the last two days, he has. It's things like cleaning the kitchen when I went to pick up the dogs yesterday. Or saying he wants to go get peaches at the Farmers market. Or wanting to do some more math drills because he hasn't done any in a while. Or getting excited about watching the Guns of Navarone because I've never seen it. Or commenting about how Mama was not going to be happy that we made ice cream sundaes last night. Or giving me a hug and kiss when I walked into the kitchen this morning - he hasn't done that since the hospital (Before the surgery, he always gave me a hug and kiss when he saw me). Basically, he's just acting like himself again after being a zombie for a 10 days or so. That's what's frustrating about brain injuries - recovery is two steps forward, one step back. Hopefully, he's back to himself for a while now.

Ok, Austin and I are going to clean the kitchen now. Love you all!!

Giggle

2008-07-21T14:54:22Z

Taking a slight break. This makes me giggle. Cuddleslut as always. :)

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Cuddleslut

You're mostly secure, but sometimes you need a little extra reassurance to make it through the tough times. You are usually affectionate and sweet, and you find it easy to fall in love. An encouraging word from a crush or a loved one can motivate you for weeks.

Fictional character with whom you might identify: Kaylee (Firefly/Serenity), Hiro Nakamura (Heroes)

Other Attachment Types:
Secure:	The Unicorn	\|	The Cuddleslut	\|	The Free Agent
Preoccupied:	The Cling Wrap	\|	The Squid	\|	The Insect
Fearful:	The Doormat	\|	The Leper	\|	The Exile
Dismissing:	The Hermit	\|	The Stone	\|	The Player
Confused:	The Waffler

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

It makes me happy that I am Kaylee