Once upon a time...

Lots needs to be posted here: Thanksgiving, birthday, the end of the semeseter, visit to April's. Lots of things. Sometime soon maybe. In the meantime:

I'm leaving soon, and Matthew and I are still processing it. Last night he told the entire story of our relationship like it was a bedtime story. I asked if this was the end of the story. He said that he hoped not, that he wanted the story to keep going on and on. Yeah.

**EDIT**
Ok, so apparently this was interpreted as being bad. This was not bad. Very emotional, yes. But a good, deep emotion.

I turn 25 in less than a week. I have earned 155 credit hours and have a 3.95 GPA. I have spent the last 13 hours sitting in front of a computer unsucessfully struggling to write a 5 page essay for a Freshmen English class. It is not finished. I would not graduate this semester even if I had finished. I have failed.

As soon as I'm done, I can leave for Nashville to apartment and job hunt (with a slight detour to Chattanooga). I tentatively have a roommate. I have friends. I have others who will be writing their thesis and studying for the GRE while I'm doing the same. I can be calm and just enjoy being a healthy young adult for the first time in my life.

None of this will happen without completing the next seven days, so go write your paper!

In 48 hours I will be on my way to Texas. I can make it 48 hours.

Dear wonderful friends,

I love you all so much and am so very sorry for the last 10 days (the last 10 years for one of you). You are my heart and my survival. I'm sorry I don't handle things well and that I'm always in a crisis of some sort. Thank you for loving me through it anyway. I'm going to be ok and will hopefully be the friend I should be. Love you all.

~Me

Why am I such a screw-up and why am I having so much trouble functioning?

April is coming tomorrow. There aren't words for how happy that makes me. Love you, friend.

Today I ran a 10k. My time was 1.05.56 (a 10.38 min pace) - not great, but certainly not last either. I feel good (legs are a little sore, but that's expected); I'm not exhausted; I'm even getting some work on a paper done. This past January, the 30 min walk for my Concepts class wiped me out completely. That's not even a year ago. Now today, I ran 6.2 miles. I didn't stop to walk. I didn't stop for water. I ran the entire way. I'm not even really sure how to feel. I want to jump up and down and scream and giggle and burst into tears all at the same time. I did it. I ran.

Today I picked up the last antibiotic prescription in my Lyme disease protocol. 1 bottle of Doxycycline, the standard treatment for people when they first show symptoms, will be my final bottle, the last one of hundreds over the last 9 years. Today I also picked up my race packet for the 10k I am running on Saturday. 1 bottle of medicine, the last bottle, the end of a very long marathon, is sitting next to a number and chip, my first race, an exciting beginning that affirms my return to health. Is this day really here?

I had a fairly long conversation yesterday about why it was important to go somewhere far away for grad school. This person was adamant that, being from the South, I should go north. I am reminded today why I don't want to move north. It is cold and wet, and making myself get up and go to class and to work when it is cold and wet is harder than pulling teeth. I *hate* being cold and wet.

I have the flu and a 103 fever. Boo. No fun. I just hope the guys don't catch it...


***EDIT***

Apparently Tamiflu causes nausea and vomiting, so now I'm not keeping food down on top of feeling yucky...

I caught the plague going around Samford. Boo. Too much to do to be sick...

Happy post needed soon: Matthew, symphony, brothers, UGA, beer. Not now. Now time for soup and sleep.)

Do not take clindamycin with a swallow of water and then lie down.

So I'm reading through Tertullian's Treatise on the Soul as I'm working on my thesis and stumbled upon this:

"And thus by and by infants are still-born; but how so, unless they had life? For how could any die, who had not previously lived? But sometimes by a cruel necessity, while yet in the womb, an infant is put to death, when lying awry in the orifice of the womb he impedes parturition, and kills his mother, if he is not to die himself. Accordingly, among surgeons' tools there is a certain instrument, which is formed with a nicely-adjusted flexible frame for opening the uterus first of all, and keeping it open; it is further furnished with an annular blade, by means of which the limbs within the womb are dissected with anxious but unfaltering care; its last appendage being a blunted or covered hook, wherewith the entire fœtus is extracted by a violent delivery. There is also (another instrument in the shape of) a copper needle or spike, by which the actual death is managed in this furtive robbery of life: they give it, from its infanticide function, the name of ἐμβρυοσφάκτης, the slayer of the infant, which was of course alive. Such apparatus was possessed both by Hippocrates, and Asclepiades, and Erasistratus, and Herophilus, that dissector of even adults, and the milder Soranus himself, who all knew well enough that a living being had been conceived, and pitied this most luckless infant state, which had first to be put to death, to escape being tortured alive."

Wow. I want to come back and actually ponder on this later.

I have a thesis draft due at 11:00 am tomorrow. I have 0 pages written and need to do some word search analysis before I start writing. I should be in complete panic-induced hyper-focus mode. Instead, I have read all my friends' blogs, checked all my email, checked facebook, and am now writing an lj update. This is not a good sign...

As I get healthier, I get less tolerant of the side effects of the medications. This new combo is miserable.

Due to possible fatigue side effects (and the fact that I just don't want my clothing stained orange), I'm skipping the rifampin and going on to the Clindamycin/Quinine combo. Yay quinine. Maybe it won't make me too sick?

I watched the VP debate instead of studying for my Genetics quiz, so now I must cram frantically.

"Rifampin may cause side effects. Your urine, stools, saliva, sputum, sweat, and tears may turn red-orange; this effect is harmless."

Red-orange sweat and tears? Not sure I'm excited about this one...

Also, in other news (With bullet points for faster dissemination!):

~I ran 5 miles at a 10 min pace last night. It was quite exciting. Mercedes, here I come.
~My thesis first draft is due in one week. I am not ready. I am not even close to ready. Panic is ensuing.
~I have a genetics test tomorrow that I don't want to study for.
~I miss all of my former roomies a lot.
~Matthew is being super wonderful. Like more wonderful than ever. He's working too hard (because he's superman or something), but still makes time for me and makes me swoon. He waltzed with me in the living room. I love it when he does that.
~UGA lost on Saturday, and it was not a happy thing.
~I am in the midst of an existential decision that I don't have time to properly research and solve.
~The Nashville crew is coming to visit next week. The thesis will be turned in and alcohol will flow.
~I have lots of ranting on the current economic situation, but that will take too long to write at the moment.
~The fam is safely at my grandparents' and Daddy is still undergoing tests to determine how best to focus his therapy.
~Life is delightfully stressful, balanced, busy, and happy

Genetics homework takes too long to do.

And one-hour PE classes should not require 2-page papers on a regular basis

Mama and Daddy left this morning; it's a funny sight. The big outside dog is in a crate on the back seat; the hound is on the floor between the bucket seat and the side door; the snake, in his 55 gal terrarium, is stretched the length of the van; and the poodle and cat are taking turns on everyone's laps. Add the 2 months worth of luggage in the back and it's quite humorous. I'm kinda glad I'm at school and not attending this excursion.

Real update sometime soon (Maybe)